Cleanse My Eyes
by Selveyet
Summary: He really shouldn't have gone and called Pidge Kalternecker's "mama". Now Keith's Christmas wish is changed and Kalternecker's eyes are scarred. Plance and fun.


"Do you think its actually Christmas on Earth?" Pidge asked, standing on a stool from the side of the room.

"I don't know. Time is warped so much in space. I'll have to ask Coran." Lance answered.

"He would know... But did we really have to decorate the whole of Kalternecker's room?" Pidge gestured to the cow's virtual reality pen.

"Of course!" Lance exclaimed, decorations in his hands waving. "She needs to be included in this festive season even though the others don't want her to."

"I don't think they didn't want to include her, they're just too busy to help out." Pidge said getting off her stool to move it to the right.

"Hunk's making cookies, Shiro and Allura are putting up the tree and Keith's surprisingly making the stockings." Lance noted as he walked to Kalternecker with the handful of tinsel. "But I don't know where Coran is."

"He's probably looking for more tinsel. You have used an abnormal amount."

She glanced at the room. Lance had asked Coran to change the usually summery weather to winter and now any tinsel that wasn't hanged up on the 'clouds' was covering the 'snow'.

"Abnormal, shamoral. I will use as much as in need to make this the most Christmassy Christmas on a ship ever." He declared, wrapping red tinsel around Kalternecker's horns.

"I still think that it was pointless to decorate Kalternecker's pen." Pidge commented as she sat in her stool.

Lance hands whipped out to cover Kalternecker's ears. "How dare you mamma. How could you say that around our child."

'Mamma' rolled her eyes, "stop being melodramatic Lance, Kalternecker can't even understand us."

Lance pretended not to have heard her as he spoke to the cow, "don't listen to mama she's just in a bad mood girl."

"Your only naming me 'mama' because I'm you're girlfriend now, aren't you?" Pidge asked with a smirk on her face as she watched him ignore her.

Lance didn't say anything to her but his Cuban skin took a pink tint and that was all the confirmation she needed.

"Aha! You are!" She jumped off her stool and stalked over to her boyfriend and their cow.

"I am not!" Lance protested. "Come on girl, tell her."

Kalternecker just carried on chewing on her grass as she looked at the human in front of her.

"Even Kalternecker agrees with me!" Pidge pointed out with a smug look on her face as she walked even closer to them.

Lance shade of red darkened. "I am n-"

"Not what?" Pidge asked face right I front of Lance's with a cat-like grin on her face. It was almost identical to the annoying ones she wore when she beat him in Killbot Phantasm I.

Well he'd have to win this game then.

"...Not gonna stop kissing you." Lance said taking advantage of this opportunity and closed the distance between them.

Pidge froze first at the unexpected kiss then pulled away bright red, "LANCE! What was t-that for!?!"

Lance just pouted again, secretly glad that Pidge has forgotten about her interrogation. "Am I not allowed to get kisses from my tiny, loveable girlfriend when there's mistletoe around?"

Pidge stepped away from him to scrutinise the pen with narrowed eyes as she huffed, skin still red, "I don't see any."

"I secretly attached one mistletoe to Kalternecker's bell so..." Lance trailed off as he flicked their cow's bell, the sound causing Pidge to look him in the eyes.

"Y-y-you!" Pidge exclaimed cherry red, pointing her finger at him. "You _trickster_! You _idiot_ with a-a handsome face and _stupid_, pretty blue eyes—"

She was cut off from her name calling when Lance grabbed her arm that was pointing at his face and hooked his other around her waist, silencing her with his lips.

A few minuets later Keith opened the door to Kalternecker's pen.

"You guys done yet? Hunk's finished with the cookies..." Keith's voice faded as he took in the scene in front of him.

He was going to change what was on his Christmas list. Defeating Zarkon wasn't that important anyway. Cleansing his eyes were.

Both Paladins sprang apart with matching blushes.

"You know what I'm just gonna wait outside." Keith turned around rubbing at his eyes to get rid of the image imprinted on them.

"No, no. Keith you don't understand," Pidge tried protesting, rushing over to put a hand on his shoulder to stop him from walking away. "I was roped into this against my will."

"Definitely seems that way by how you were kissing me back." Lance sing-songed behind them.

Pidge snapped her head towards him as she said, "you're not helping Lance!"

"I don't wanna hear about what you guys do behind closed doors." Keith complained covering his ears as he strode down the corridor.

"No Keith! It's not like that." She shouted after him.

"Are you sure because Pidge you were all like—"

"Lance!"

"I'm leaving and don't count on me to save some cookies for you two."

"You're just jealous, Mullet." Lance shouted after him.

Keith didn't even turn around only waved a hand saying, "yeah yeah, totally jealous of yucky contact, blah blah blah."

They watched in silence as he rounded a corner on the way to the kitchen.

"That was mostly your fault." Pidge said, breaking the silence.

"You know you love me." Lance responded, flinging an arm around her shoulders.

"Damn you Lance." Pidge mumbled as they started walking in the same direction Keith went. "We're missing out on a large amount of cookies here, _cookies_."

"Well don't worry."

"Why? We all know Shiro's gonna hoard them like last time when his excuse was 'space-dads have the biggest appetite'"

Then she asked hopefully. "Did you bribe Hunk earlier to keep some for you?"

"No, I'm as sweet as a cookie so we're going to be OK." Lance stated his free hand formed finger guns as he winked.

Pidge snorted, "sure you are."

Then she turned serious with a dark glint in her eyes, "but I still need those peanut butter cookies."

"Right gotcha." He agreed quickly not wanting to disagree with a glint-y Pidge.

"Good. And Lance I didn't forget about you calling me 'mama' just in case you were wondering."

He gulped. Guess he didn't win the battle after all.


End file.
